Silent Raindrop Spells
by Cygna-hime
Summary: Haruka comes to a decision about herself. Takes place in manga 8. They really need to add an 'introspection' genre, ya know?


Silent Raindrop Spells  
  
Disclaimer:Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon does not belong to me. I really don't know how to make it any clearer.  
  
Warning:This fic contains shoujo-ai. If the idea of two girls being in love squicks you, go away and stop bothering me.  
  
Woosh! Random idea! The random thought muse struck again. Now I have to work out what it wants. Wish me luck! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
It's raining. The trees are swaying in the wind, whipping water into my face as I run. A storm's coming.  
  
I used to love rain; still do, I suppose. I love thunderstorms; so strong and violently powerful, they always thrilled me when I was little. And gentle, spring rain, that's fine too, calm and soothing. But this rain is rain that doesn't know what it is. It's neither tyrant of the night nor gentle springtime maiden. It's halfway rain, sad, lonely rain that doesn't know who it is yet. Like me.  
  
I don't know who I am anymore. Running through this night, I have no destination, no port of call where I can stay awhile and think before setting out. I set out for somewhere else, and now the map has changed, but I'm still going to be held to my voyage, willing or no...  
  
I'm in the park. That's odd, I wasn't meaning to end up here. But have I ended up anywhere I meant to in years? No, I didn't think so. I didn't intend to end up at Mugen until I was there, and I didn't intend to end up a Sailor Senshi until I couldn't go back. And that's where I'm stuck now, in between two worlds not of my own choosing. And just here, in this park, they're bleeding together. May as well stay. It's nice under the trees, and there's a little pool where they're at their thickest.  
  
Crouched under the trees, I can see my face in the pool; white-blond hair and pale blue eyes staring back at me. Until a raindrop falls into the center of the pool, and it ripples until I can't recognize myself anymore.  
  
That's me; nobody knows who I am, not even me. Hell, if you were to show me my Senshi face in a mirror, I don't think I would recognize myself. Nobody else sees me the same way, so why should I? What should I do? What would I do? Me, the real me, the me I am underneath all the layers, what would I do?  
  
Is that the question? Michiru believes it's right, I know it, and she sees more than anyone. I should trust her-I do trust her. So why does the same part of my soul that tells me to seek out the other Senshi disagree so firmly with what she says is our duty? I love her, don't I? Then why can't I follow her lead, let her be in control?  
  
Because whoever I am, it's not someone who chooses love over duty. I know that much.  
  
Isn't it my duty to obey her, do what she says in this? It's her Mirror, she knows what must be done. So why does the dissenting voice in me say I shouldn't follow her, I should be guarding and protecting Sailor Moon- Usagi. That's my duty, the voice says, that's duty.  
  
Or is it? Is it duty that makes me smile at her for real, when nobody but Michiru has seen me smile without smirking? Duty that drives me to give her the answer she wishes to hear, even with Michiru's ocean eyes warning me not to? No. That's not duty, that's love. Different love, not like what Michiru and I share, but I can't pretend it's not there. I have to follow my duty, not my love, choose with my head, not my heart. So why does neither choice seem like the right one for me?  
  
I know. If I follow Michiru, am I following love? Or duty? If I turn away from her, is that my duty? Or my love?  
  
The rain is still going on, crying for its own uncertainty. I still can't decide who I am, or even more, who I should follow. I wish this rain would make up its mind already! It can either be a spring rain or a tempest, not both!  
  
Well, how about that. The rains stopping. It's just the wind and sky left now, even the clouds are gone. How...about....that.  
  
Standing up, I look into the pool under the trees one last time. The wind is whipping up the water, but I can still see...my face. Perfectly clear. And still mine, under it all. I know who I am.  
  
Watashi wa Tenou Haruka. Watahi wa watashi desu.  
  
Tenou Haruka is Sailor Uranus, and Tenou Haruka is Michiru's girlfriend. Tenou Haruka is me. And I do not have to follow in anyone else's path. Tenou Haruka chooses her own path, her own destiny. I choose my own destiny.  
  
I take off. There is nothing in the world but wind, and night sky, and the pounding of my feet on the ground. And I own that sky. I am Tenou Haruka. I am King of the Sky. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Finis~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
This takes place in manga #8, at some point. It's been a while since I've written a SM fic, and then I got inspired. So..poofies! Comments, et cetera welcome. Flames are used by Rei to blow flamer's heads off. Virtual cookie to someone who can tell me what the title is from! 


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